Previously On

What This Book Covers

1. Prologue
2. Chapter One - The Young, the Restless, and the Addicted
3. Chapter Two - Selling Suds
4. Chapter Three - 12:30pm, Forever
5. Chapter Four - General Hospital, Eternal Ward
6. Chapter Five - Death Means Nothing
7. Chapter Six - Who’s the Father?
8. Chapter Seven - Amnesia, Comas, and Evil Twins
9. Chapter Eight - Grandma’s Drug of Choice
10. Chapter Nine - Ritual and Repetition
11. Chapter Ten - The Cast of Thousands (of Recasts)
12. Chapter Eleven - Trapped in the Show
13. Chapter Twelve - Passions and Possessions
14. Chapter Thirteen - America’s Infinite Tuesday
15. Chapter Fourteen - Fade to Black (But Not Really)

Excerpt

PROLOGUE THERE WAS ONCE a talking teddy bear named Timmy. He lived in a dollhouse. He cast spells. He dated a witch. And he appeared every weekday at 2pm on a major American network. This was not Adult Swim. This was not parody. This was Passions, an actual soap opera that ran for nearly a decade. And Timmy wasn’t even the weirdest part. If you think that’s bad, you haven’t seen the time-travel storylines. The memory-erasing comas. The woman possessed by the devil. Twice. The guy who died, came back, and died again because the writers forgot he already had. Soap operas are the single most mocked genre in television history. They’re corny, bloated, and ridiculous. And they’re also one of the...