Chapter Thirteen - 1099 – Your Loophole to Legal Slavery

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

1099 – Your Loophole to Legal Slavery

IF I WERE evil, I’d avoid payroll altogether.

Why bother with pesky things like labor laws, overtime, or base pay,
when I can just slap “1099” on a piece of paper
and call it freedom?

I wouldn’t hire employees.
No no no—
I’d recruit independent contractors.

And I’d tell them they’re entrepreneurs now.
That they’re business owners.
That they’re “self-employed.”
But I’d still:

• Tell them where to be.
• Tell them when to be there.
• Tell them what to wear.
• Tell them what to say.
• Tell them what they’re allowed to do on their days off.
• And control their housing, transportation, and income.

Which is, of course, completely illegal.
Because that’s not how 1099 works.

But if I were evil, I wouldn’t worry about that.
Because none of these kids are lawyers.
And by the time they realize what happened,
I’ve already gotten what I needed from them.

I wouldn’t reimburse them for gas.
I wouldn’t offer workers comp.
I wouldn’t give them a dime unless they made me money first.

And if someone calls it what it is?
“Illegal misclassification”?
I’d just laugh.
Because I’m not worried about legal definitions.
I’m worried about leverage.

I’d use the 1099 model to build the most airtight scam in modern sales.
I’d own a labor force without ever having to admit they work for me.

If I were evil, I’d write a script to pitch customers.
Then write another script to pitch the reps.
And I’d tell both parties the same lie:

“You’re getting the deal of a lifetime.”

But I’d be the only one who actually does.