Chapter One - The Parking Lot Ritual

CHAPTER ONE

The Parking Lot Ritual

ARRIVING AT THE mall is a sacred rite.

I enter the parking lot like a knight entering the arena—low on caffeine, high on expectations, and listening to a podcast I don’t remember starting.

The hunt begins.

Row 1: all taken. Obviously.

Row 2: a glimmer of hope—nope, motorcycle.

Row 3: a car parked diagonally across two spaces. Someone named Chad definitely drives that car. No further comment.

I enter the swirl. You know the one. That looping pattern of circling, slowly, hoping someone is leaving. You make eye contact with another driver. It’s a death match now.

We circle the same row twice. They blink first. I win.

Then I see it: a car pulling out, backlights engaged. It's the Promised Land. I flick on my blinker. My claim is declared. It’s mine.

An SUV sneaks in from the other side and takes it.

I scream in lowercase. Just a quiet “ah” inside my soul.

It’s fine.

It’s fine.

I keep moving and find a spot in the last row—technically part of the lot but emotionally part of Canada.

As I park, I notice the car next to me has a dent shaped like a question mark. I nod in mutual confusion.

Before I leave the car, I run The Checklist.

Phone: check.

Keys: check.

Drink: check.

Mini donuts: obviously.

Wallet: …brief pause…

Apple Pay: double tap on the side of the phone—cha-ching. Confidence restored.

I step out of the car. The wind hits me like it has a secret. I squint at the sun like it owes me money. Then I walk.

I pass a dad arguing with his toddler about the ethical implications of skipping nap time.

I pass a woman carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag inside a Hot Topic bag. No comment. Just respect.

I pass two seagulls eating a Wendy’s fry like it’s communion.

By the time I reach the mall entrance, I’ve seen 14 people and 31 different brands. That’s called modern spirituality.

The doors slide open. The smell of Auntie Anne’s pretzels, off-brand cologne, and possibilities hits me like a soft slap from the universe.

I’m in.

Totally normal.