Chapter Seventeen - Everything Else (In Case You Were Wondering)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Everything Else (In Case You Were Wondering)

YOU MADE IT through the heavy stuff.
The executions. The exiles. The internet blackouts.

Now welcome to the chapter where the rules are still real, but also completely ridiculous.

In Denmark, you can’t name your kid “Monkey.”
Seriously.
There’s a government-approved baby name list.
If your desired name isn’t on it, you have to apply for special permission.
Rejected names include Pluto, Anus, and Jakobp.

In Switzerland, it’s illegal to flush your toilet after 10 p.m. in an apartment building.
Not technically a national law, but enforced in certain regions.
Why?
Noise pollution.
Because nothing says tyranny like a late-night courtesy flush.

In Western Australia, it’s illegal to possess more than 50 kilograms of potatoes.
Yes. Potatoes.
There’s a secret spud limit.
Originally passed to protect the local potato board’s monopoly.
Still exists.
Still hilarious.

In Venice, you can’t feed the pigeons.
It used to be charming.
Now it’s €500 fine-worthy.
Because apparently the pigeons unionized and got too bold.

In Japan, it’s illegal to be too fat.
This one’s real, and it’s called the "Metabo Law."
Companies must measure employees’ waists, and if they exceed limits, they get mandatory health guidance.
BMI = bureaucracy.

In Milan, it’s technically illegal to frown in public.
Unless you’re attending a funeral or in a hospital.
Otherwise?
Smile, citizen.
The law demands joy.

In Greece, high heels are banned at historic sites.
Too much damage to the marble.
So if you were hoping to strut into the Parthenon in stilettos, sorry.
It’s flats or jail.

In Saudi Arabia, Valentine’s Day was banned until 2018.
Stores weren’t allowed to sell red roses, cards, or candy hearts.
Why?
Because love that isn’t sanctioned is a threat.
Also because fun is terrifying.

In China, reincarnation is illegal without government approval.
Yes. I know.
Tibetan Buddhist monks must file a request to reincarnate.
Because dying is fine.
But coming back?
Only with a permit.

In Singapore, it's illegal to sell chewing gum.
We already covered this one, but it deserves to be here again for sheer pettiness.

In Russia, you can’t wear lacy underwear.
Seriously.
Lace panties with less than 6% cotton are banned.
The government claims it's for health reasons.
The real reason is anyone’s guess, maybe Putin lost a bet.

In Thailand, it’s illegal to step on money, because Thai currency bears the king’s image.
And disrespecting the king, even with your foot, is a crime.

In the UK, it’s illegal to handle a salmon suspiciously.
Yes. That’s the actual wording.
Under the “Salmon Act of 1986,” handling fish with “suspicious circumstances” is a punishable offense.
What counts as suspicious?
Nobody knows.
And that’s what makes it perfect.

In the Philippines, you can be fined for driving shirtless.
Traffic laws = modesty laws.
So keep your seatbelt and your tank top on.

In Victoria, Australia, it used to be illegal to change a lightbulb if you weren’t a licensed electrician.
Apparently electrocution is best left to the professionals.

In Oklahoma, old laws technically forbid people to make faces at a dog, because even canines deserve respect.
And because the lawmakers were probably high that day.

So yeah.
The world is a weird place.

Some bans are deadly.
Some are dystopian.
And some are just deeply, beautifully stupid.